I’ll tell you who can fuck right off: Full Time Yummy Mummies


The front runner for ‘piss boiler of the week’ this Friday is the term ‘Full Time Yummy Mummy.’

According to Facebook, Full Time Yummy Mummy is actually a startlingly popular profession in 20 and 30-something women; second only to ‘CEO and creator of own dreams at [insert shitty MLM here]’.

Often the two run hand in hand. If you know someone that applies to, then you have my sympathy.

If you are that person, just fuck the fuck off.

I’LL be the judge of whether you are ‘yummy’ or not. But as I don’t have a thing for 30-odd year olds with dog ears/enchanted nachos/whatever the latest idiotic Snap Chat filter is, I think I’ll pass.

And PS, Caroline, what a shame you can’t filter real life because everyone knows that you really have a face like an old man’s left testicle.

Also what the hell are you on about, full time mummy?

Are mums that get dressed and go out of the house to earn a respectable wage now just part time parents?

Does the fact that you stayed in your PJs til 11am and watched Jeremy Kyle while little Alfie-Beau napped give you some kind of mummy points?

Why is it necessary to put this on your Facebook profile?

So you don’t have a job, that’s fine. No one was judging you before you decided to fill in the box and tell the world that you think not only are you desperately attractive, but you think that being at home all day is an actual job.

And you, Tracey – your kids are at school for fucks sake.



You are not yummy, you are a monstrosity, and you are no more a full-time mummy than I am a full-time shitter as I probably spend about as long every day in the bathroom as you do actively taking care of your kids.

Get a job and stop pissing about on Facebook.